Dear School District 25,
I love you. You have had a terrible couple weeks, and I want you to know that I am here for you. It may sound futile, but what can I do? That’s not a throwing up of my arms with a rhetorical question. I am really asking: what can I do? You were there for me. I want to be there for you.
You’ve taught, consoled, mentored, and coached. You’ve fed, led, driven and listened. You’ve done so much of what you are supposed to and so much more when parents don’t. Or can’t. You did all that for me. Thank you.
I don’t have kids in your schools. I work full time in the private sector and have been out of town for weeks at a time, but there must be something I can do. There is always something I can do. I learned that from you, your teachers and my mom. You worked together. You leaned on each other to teach me that. Thank you.
When I hear news involving children and heartbreak, I wonder in an instant, “Do I know the family?” As if my connection will lessen the tragedy. It might be a lesser tragedy for me, but it never is for you. Because you, School District 25, know them. You and your teachers know almost all of the kids in our community and you are doing your darnedest to do right by them. Thank you.
People are angry at you for not doing enough in recent weeks. People are pointing fingers. People are crying “bullying” so much that I fear bullying is becoming the wolf of this generation. People are looking for someone to blame to make sense of this senseless tragedy. I was looking too, and while I was searching for the genesis of blame in news articles and Facebook threads and the dialogue of rumor mills, I found one of the problems.
It was in a mirror.
I didn’t know her, but her pictures remind me of me. The stories I hear about her personality remind me of me. I wish I would have come out sooner. I wish I could show every GLBT kid in this town how wonderful life can be. It’s not going to be easy, but nothing is. I learned in your schools and on your athletic courts, that I can’t control other people. Not their minds or their actions. But, I can control how I react to them. We, individually and collectively, can control how we react. And we can influence.
The depth of her struggle, though similar, was different than mine.Whether it was her unique accumulation of experiences or her lens,that darkness isn’t a kind I have ever seen. I can only imagine. I have never been in your place either, so I can only imagine that, too. I imagine it’s tough. And these weeks have been some of your toughest.
You are an entity to many, but I know that you are people. Caring, kind, and hopeful people who are deflated, confused and angry right along with the rest of us. Even though you work with continuing budget cuts and increasing responsibilities, you work tirelessly and constantly to improve the lives of children right along with their test scores. Even when it feels like parents have stopped, you have never stopped working. Please don’t stop now. Please don’t give up.
None of us can give up. There is a pie chart of responsibility when someone so young commits suicide, and in a community our size, everyone gets a slice. While we are choking on our slices and our tears and our regrets, and looking in our mirrors, I want you to know that I love you. Please know that you are loved and appreciated, and if there is something I can do, tell me. I may not be much, but I am something. And I am something because of you, School District 25.
I keep wondering. Are you being sincere here, or sarcastic?
ReplyDeleteI have never seen the word love used in conjunction with a bureaucracy this many times in my life. Especailly not in a a sincere way. I can say, "I just LOVE standing in line at the post office." But I certainly wouldn't be sincere. Also, why would you give credit to school district 25 for making you "something"? Each child in this country is given the opportunity to attain an education - granted the opportunities are not equal, but it is given. If you are something (and I worry that you don't think that you are more than "not much"), it is due to your perserverance, not because of the school district, but despite it. You as much as admit that you were not comfortable coming out. That speaks to a failure on the school districts part, not a triumph by it. Finally, to say that this school disctrict is hurt? The school district is HIDING. They are failing children who do not meet the idea of "norm" on a daily basis I would do a spit-take if I thought you were sincere. My children are bullied for defending children who are bullied. They have been "disciplined" for it. Disciplined for giving a friend a hug after she was bullied for having two moms. Disciplined after being assaulted by a fellow student, after they told the student to stop calling a teacher, "Gay", and telling that student that there would be nothing wrong if the teacher were. This is the school discrict my children live in on a daily basis. Perhaps your school experiences were pleasant, but don't dismiss the fact that it is NOT like that for many, if not most of the children now.
Of course, none of this is pertinent if you were being sarcastic.
I think Moms below does a good job, but I’ll go ahead and chime in.
DeleteI was absolutely sincere; there is no place for sarcasm when trying to discuss or solve serious problems or expressing thanks. Below are key phrases I’d like to highlight.
1. The people within the district…I give them credit for me because I think they deserve it. My teachers were wonderful, and this letter was about them, me and my experiences. I was not dismissing anyone else’s bad experiences; I was choosing to focus on my good, the good that I know is out there now. Individual people work with these kids every day and when tragedy happens, those people feel it.
2. Continuing budget cuts and increasing responsibilities. This was the part about bureaucracy. It was a small piece in here because, again, I was focusing on the good. I believe that many of the failings are not because of individual people, but rather funding and lack of resources. (*many)
3. Pie charts are so key in all of this. Nothing is the lone cause or lone fix. You’re right. My own perseverance played a part, but only a part. As for my own discomfort in coming out speaking to a failure on the part of SD 25, I don’t see it that way. Period. That was 20+ years ago and the factors of MY discomfort and MY perspective are another pie chart entirely. My letter intended to convey thanks and sympathy to the people in our community working with kids. It also is intended to convey that I realize I may (unwittingly) be a part of the problem and I’d rather be a part of the solution. And really…if I am not a part of the solution, then by default, I am part of the problem.
I would like to reply to A Cashew Nut.
ReplyDeleteI can empathize with your comments about the school district. I am a mother of four children. Two of whom have already graduated from this district. Two are still enrolled in it. They have attended private school as well as public. Do you know what? It doesn’t matter where you go to school. They are still filled with children.
One of my children was horrifically bullied. Why? He was beaten because he was white. He was harassed because of his hair. He was taunted because of his name. He had his gym clothes stolen from a PE locker and urinated on. What did this district, this entity do? Research. They conducted an investigation into each incident, and do you know what they found? My child, my perfect wonderful child who was the VICTIM, was also… not innocent.
My perfect, wonderful, angelic, marvelous child could be capable of retaliation? Could be capable of name calling also? Could be anything other than perfect and marvelous? Could have told me a version of what happened that painted himself out to be flawless and targeted? That is tough to take. Was the district blaming my child? Deflecting the problem onto the victim? I certainly would like to think so, but after having read your comments, I spoke to my child. Guess what? He was not innocent. (He is now in college)
One of my other children is like yours. He stands up for victims. He is well liked and respected. He has done it since elementary school, and is now in high school. It doesn’t always work out for him. Sometimes, it only changes the focus of the bullies towards him. What does the district do? Well, nothing. Do you know why? Simply, life is full of bullies. They are at your job. They are at the playground. They are at the stores. We have learned that it is better to teach our children how to deal with the realities of life, rather than run to someone else to handle their problems.
I am sorry that your experience with the district has been terrible. I know a lot of people in your shoes. I also know a lot of people who work for the district; people who care for the future generation much more than you could imagine. School, like life, is what you make of it.
I think Billie was not saying that she wasn’t bullied, on the contrary. I understood her to be saying that she wished she had come out sooner so that she could use her experiences to show our youth that there is a great big world after school. She used the word “district” in place of the names of teachers and mentors that she had, and also referenced her mother. In a perfect world, we would all be surrounded by support such as she was blessed to have. Sadly, that is not the way it is.
In the same way that you cannot love an entity, you cannot cast blame on an entity for the actions of a few…..
I am glad that she chose the word “love”. I think the world could use more of it. It is my belief that what you put out into the world, you get back. And couldn’t our kids use a little more love?