The Cowculator and the Problem Child

Printed in the Idaho State Journal on March 25, 2014.

What does a farmer use to add up his bulls? A Cowculator.  Brilliant.

A student told me that joke when I was coaching a middle school math club one fall.  I already had the cow suit, so I added a cape and Converse sneakers to complete my very own super hero costume.  I invented the Cowculator.

The Cowculator made her debut to welcome 100+ Mathletes to the annual Eastern Idaho MATHCOUNTS competition a few years ago. I feel silly and whimsical in a cow suit, but as soon as the cape completes the transformation, I am unstoppable. There is no problem too difficult or discouraging for the Cowculator.

Hours after my foray at the microphone, I had a poignant exchange with a lanky, freckle-faced Mathlete. He fit the checklist of stereotypes. He was jittery and nervous as he spoke, but he was propelled and disarmed by our mutual love of math. And by my costume, I have to think.  His white socks emphasized his faded high-water jeans and grubby sneakers. Those sneakers likely never did anything athletic. I imagine he only combed his hair when someone reminded him and since he boarded a bus in Malad at 5am, there was likely no one awake at his house to offer a reminder.

He zig-zagged through the tables during lunch when he spotted me. He waved and yelled, “I know you’re the Cowculator!”

I only wore the costume during my welcome address and I then changed into a geek sanctioned polo shirt and khakis while I coached my team. The outfit had entailed a tie-on hood with my full face and bangs visible. I’m sure everyone in the ballroom knew I was the not-yet-famous super hero, but I played along.

 “Oh? And how did you know that?”

With a goofy-toothed grin and pizza sauce on the corners of his mouth, he pointed to my feet. “Your shoes. “  My stars and stripes sneakers gave me away.

I winked at him and told him that he would make a great detective some day. 

“I know. I figure things out because I’m a problem child.”

A handful of students that day had buttons with the slogan “Problem Child” pinned to their back packs and jackets.  These kids think they are merely doing math, but they are learning how to solve problems. Answers may not come easily or quickly, but they come.  They may be elusive, but they exist.

The Cowculator didn’t help kids solve their problems that day, but she’s there to help empower them. She shows them that math and puzzles can be “udderly” fun and part of that is in the process. The challenge.  The work. The Cowculator doesn’t fear problems or work. Problems have solutions and when kids become their own personal problem solvers they don’t need a Cowculator. They become their own hero—with or without a cape.