The Warm Fire of Mama Dragons

A recent Idaho State Journal headline read, “Mama Dragon, Debbie Glenn, to Speak at ISU.” Debbie Glenn has become somewhat of an accidental advocate since learning that her son Tyler is gay. (Tyler is the lead singer of the multi-platinum, Provo-based band, Neon Trees.)  She will be speaking this Thursday, February 16 from 4-6pm in the Wood River Suites of the Student Union Building. 

The term “Mama Dragon” was born out of a 2012 blog by Meg Abhau when she described her feelings after her own 13-year-old son came out as gay: 

“I have always been a mother bear. Once I found out about Jon, that didn’t seem a fierce enough title. There is a whole new level of protection that has come over me. I now call myself a Mama Dragon. I could literally breathe fire if someone hurt my son. Dragons have talons, scales, claws, fangs and they can fly. I will use all of these resources if someone were to hurt Jon. So, we are circling our wagons around him, but I know we can’t protect him from everything. And as a Mama Dragon, that is the hardest part of this. I don’t know what the future holds. I just know that there will be love.”

Mama Dragons formed because they fiercely love their LGBT children.

I remember reading this blog almost five years ago. It was one of the first lengthy and widely shared testimonies on the topic that I had seen from a Mormon mother. Anyone can type opinions from behind the veil of a computer screen or anonymous username, but this woman was using her real name, her son’s real name and she was sharing her faith and love openly and unapologetically.

The Mama Dragons have grown from that blog. They have a website at mamadragons.org, a Board of Directors and satellite groups around the country to connect and strengthen mothers seeking to support their gay and transgender children. The group began with women in the LDS church but now encompasses members of all faiths as well as people without a religious affiliation. I have wondered if my mother would have sought the camaraderie of Mama Dragons if she were alive today. Sadly, I don’t think so.

I’ve written numerous columns about my mom’s love, support, wit and wonderful outlook on life, but upon hearing I was gay, her first comment to her straight-A, high-achieving and good-natured kid was, “I’m disgusted, humiliated and embarrassed.” Those words burned. I was 18 and remember thinking, “Gee, Mom. Good thing you raised me with the confidence to handle your hurt.” 

My own hurt swirled after that, and I can’t explain how my young heart and mind were able to reconcile it with compassion. Mom’s dreams of a handsome son-in-law were destroyed. Stigmas stifled her ability to see a promising future for me. It took years, her terminal illness and imminent death to even broach talking about this part of me. It’s not only today’s kids who are benefitting from the Mama Dragon’s, but yesteryear’s kids are too.  

Debbie Glenn’s upcoming talk has been in the works since last September. Pocatello’s Trinity Episcopal Church has a committee dedicated to LGBT issues and during a meeting last fall, one of the church members brought up the Mama Dragons.  She’s related to Debbie Glenn through marriage and asked if having her come to Pocatello to talk about the Mama Dragons, her experiences with her son and her LDS faith would be a good idea. 

I about jumped out of my chair. “Yes!  Yes, it would be a good idea!  Call the ISU Gender Resource Center and see if we can work on this together.”  Mrs. Glenn’s willingness to publicly share her struggles and personal uncertainties along with her love and support of her son are healing for me. Kids need moms who will do this. Parents of LGBT children need other parents who will do this.

People are complex. “Intersectionality” is a term I’ve encountered lately in news articles and dialogue among friends.  People are not defined by a single chosen or inherent label.  We possess many identities and to fully understand individual experiences, elements of each identity must be examined.  Mrs. Glenn’s intersections as a mother, an LDS woman, and having a son who is gay will likely lead to a testimony about complex human issues she’s faced in the last few years. 

Make-believe dragons seem to possess an innate fire and courage simply because they are dragons, but real-life mamas can have them, too. Fire doesn’t have to burn. Fire can be soothing and warm. Fire can invite conversation and stories. Fire is energy, and I welcome the warm fire of the Mama Dragons this week. 

 

For more information, see www.mamadragons.org