Meatloaf and Livin' Life

 Published in the Idaho State Journal on August 29, 2021. 

An old friend recently stopped in town on her way to climb in the Cascade Mountains. This friend is a “kid” who played soccer at Idaho State years ago and became a favorite dog sitter of mine. She’s all grown up and doing a great job livin’ life in Colorado. We talked way too late on a work night, and as the yawns encroached on our conversation, she got out a pocket-sized sketch book. She set it on the kitchen counter and said, “I’d love for you to write some of your best advice in there before I head out in the morning.”

What columnist doesn’t love giving advice? Even more so when asked. With this kind of free reign, the wheels in my mind woke up, and I went to sleep thinking about the wisest people whose paths I have  crossed. What could I synthesize into a single piece of advice?

The advice that I didn’t write, but that I felt compelled to share verbally comes from my mom, of course. It’s not about life so much as it is about meatloaf. My mom made the best meatloaf in the world right up until I was able to improve it.  I never run the oven in the summer, but when the cooler fall weather arrives , I put Mom’s best advice in action:  line the bottom of the loaf pan with two pieces of bread, the heels if you have them.

This is a genius use of the never-loved bread heels that serve to soak up a bunch of grease. When the loaf is finished cooking, the bread peels away and the dogs in the house will sit at attention until it  cools. I never give them the pieces all at once because they don’t need all that grease either, but little bits over a few days are a treat.

I didn’t include this advice in the sketchbook because it wasn’t oven season. Also, she’s still young. I imagine she’ll try a plant-based diet in her mid- to late 30’s like many athletes do in an effort to improve performance or ease the pain when everything starts to hurt. The meatloaf tip doesn’t apply to daily living. I wanted to come up with something more poignant that applies at any life stage.

I recalled a few years ago when a friend’s daughter was a junior in high school. This student had friends, good relationships with teachers and administrators, and schedules tailored to her learning style, yet she approached her mom wanting to transfer schools mid-year. Her mom told me,  “She doesn’t realize that wherever she goes, she has to take herself with her.”  Those words have stayed with me since, and become the best advice I could give – or receive.  And just like Mom’s meatloaf, I’ve added a personal touch to build upon the overall guidance. This was the advice I wrote in the sketchbook:

Always remember that wherever you go, you have to take yourself with you; always remember that wherever you go, you get to take yourself with you.

The original message from my friend with “have to” addresses personal accountability in any given situation. Once when I was having conflicts at work, at home and in a volunteer endeavor, it dawned on me that with so much conflict in those days, perhaps I was the problem. Whether being unreasonable, failing to see others’ perspectives, or just plain grumpy, I was well-served to do a personal assessment before spending another second on what people around me were saying or doing. When frustration envelopes me in all directions, I’m obliged to recognize how my own thoughts, words or actions are affecting (tainting) the situation –  and my outlook.

When “have to” in that first sentence is changed to “get to”, the theme shifts from accountability to empowerment.  We get to take ourselves with us. We aren’t just stuck with ourselves. We are blessed with ourselves.  When frustration envelopes me in all directions, I have the ability to recognize how my own thoughts, words or actions could affect (improve) the situation – and my outlook.

Our ability as humans to live and thrive together in this world can be boiled down to how we balance personal accountability and self-empowerment. As our kids started school this week during a pandemic this is the core of what I want them to consider this school year.  Will their life be better in a different situation? Or can their life be better if they are better? With so much out of our control, we can control our own thoughts, words and actions and when we address those, some of the worst of situations can shift.  This was the back-to-school discussion in our house. And , it took place over some hand-crafted,  made-with-love meatloaf. 

My friend sent these pictures to me at the end of her trip to see me - I mean, at the end of her trip to hike the Cascades.

The sun in the Cascade Mountains. Is it rising or setting? Photo by Liv Zabka

On top of the Cascades. Photo by Liv Zabka